i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize