I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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