there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
