OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize