Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
