So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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