i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
