I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
