An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
