Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I cannot find my penis.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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