I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
