I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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