It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Come share oat with me in your robe
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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