he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
