no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
