He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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