cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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