I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize