This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just puked most of my soul out..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
