Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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