My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
