I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize