I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
