i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
