Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
