So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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