if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
