All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
