its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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