I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
