There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
