Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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