She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
