Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
