Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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