I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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