don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
