Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
