I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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