I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
