so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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