you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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