Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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