help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize