I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
