i already hear my dad disowning me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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