I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
