if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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