i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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