There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
