If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize