Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
