Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hippo gnu deer
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
