the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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