I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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