yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
