She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
