Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
