dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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