why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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