Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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