normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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