were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
