I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
