my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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