Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
