mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
