I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize