She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
