I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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