naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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