Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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