my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
