Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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