I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
