Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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