butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
