you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
