obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
