that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
