Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
