That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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