forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
