I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize