just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
