best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
