it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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