i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
