I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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