these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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